Hi N,
Really well done for venting and getting this off your chest. This is what the forum is here for. I hear you that you don’t want advice, and we will respect that. This is a little note to say you don’t have to be alone with this and we can talk through or email with you about what is going on. We won’t judge you or make you do anything you don’t want. Sometimes just talking it through can help make sense of a situation 🙂
I’m going to add your post into ‘Is it abuse?’ Topic too, as more people may see it there.
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