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Just wanted to introduce myself. My name’s N. (well clearly that’s not my name, but this whole thing feels a little overwhelming and I’d rather go by N for now). I’ve been lurking on a bunch of forums over the past four months or so. Me and my boyfriend have been going through a bit of a rough period, but for a while now I’ve felt like maybe it’s more than just a period, and I’ve started to lose hope of ever reaching the end of said period.

All of the info and forums that I’ve looked at talk about “abusive relationships” and “domestic abuse”, and I hate those words. I feel weird saying “abusive”, because it feels surreal to even consider that that is the situation I might be in. There’s also a part of me that doesn’t want to say it, because I don’t want it to be true.

I don’t feel comfortable telling everything that’s happened because it feels too personal, but I will say I’m in pain both physically and emotionally almost every single day, and I’m not sure how much longer I can take it. I’m so alone in this, and I have no clue what I can do to make it better.

I don’t even know what difference being on here is going to make. I guess maybe I just wanted to get it off my chest. I don’t have any questions or anything like that, and I don’t think I need advice. I just wanted to vent, which I did.

I also just want to say that I do love my boyfriend, and I don’t want to lose him. I just want us to be okay.

Hope you’re all having a wonderful day.