Reply To: Will he change?

[Domestic Abuse Helpline Team]

Hi chollybumble – thanks for your post. What you’re dealing with sounds exhausting and frightening. I can see why you’re feeling really trapped and wanting things to change. We hear from lots of callers who worry about whether their partner will be ok if they call the police or ask them to leave, who worry about the impact this will have on them. But it sounds like what’s happening is having a big and really damaging impact on you too. Having to live with someone who is violent and behaves in a frightening way can really take its toll. Does anyone else in your life know about what’s happening?

You mentioned that your partner uses drugs at parties. We know that some party drugs (called chems) can really affect how people behave and can escalate harmful behaviour. Is this something you’ve noticed?

You deserve to feel safe and ok in your home and relationship. It sounds like right now that’s not possible with your partner around. You asked if he’ll change. It’s possible for people to change harmful and abusive behaviour, but it can take a long time and a serious effort and acknowledgement of what’s happening from them. Has your partner ever taken serious steps towards admitting or changing his behaviour? This might tell you a lot about whether things could ever change.