Reply To: Is it abuse or is it me?

[Elf not on a shelf]

Bishbashbosh.
11 years.
Possibly less than 12 mnths of them good. I walked on egg shells. I spent years trying to please someone who kept changing the goal posts. Until in the end whatever I did was wrong.
I had to write letters of apology if she deemed I had done something unforgivable. Looking back that could be something not concrete, just she perceived was done intentionally to upset her.
It’s not you. Pretend your best friend is you and is telling you all about this relationship. What’s Ur advice to that friend….. Take that advice.
We wouldn’t tell a friend to put up with it, we wouldn’t tell a friend they are reading too much into it. We wouldn’t tell them they are being stupid. So don’t treat yourself that way.
I was stupid, I didn’t listen to my internal doubts and I listened to her when she begged me to pay her debts off by re mortgaging my house. I didn’t tell family because again I listened to her and put her needs and her embarrassment about the debts before sensible advice.
I’m paying for all that now
Worst thing was she works for  (removed by moderator) with survivors of abuse and probably learnt exactly what to say and what not to say in order to get me to trust her with my child. He’s just disclosed emotional abuse, cos he feels safe to talk about it. Now she’s not here. That’s my utter shame, because I let her into his life and believed her excuses and lies.
Run and don’t look back