Reply To: Is it abuse or is it me?

[Domestic Abuse Helpline Team]

Hi bishbashbosh, thanks for posting here today. It sounds like you’re feeling pretty confused and worried about your partner’s behaviour and whether your feelings about it are valid. It’s not ok for your partner to blame you for everything or put you down, because when someone blames you for everything on a daily basis, this shows it’s a pattern of controlling behaviour, rather than just a one-off.

We hear the words ‘walking on eggshells’ all the time from people in abusive relationships. It sounds like you’re having to be really vigilant to stay emotionally safe from verbal attacks and that can be really exhausting.

From all the things you’ve described, we would consider this to be abusive behaviour and is really harmful. It sounds like it’s really affecting how you feel about yourself, but also your other relationships and how you’re having to live your life. It’s worrying that your partner would expect you to shut down your connections to friends and family, as over time this can leave you really dependent on them.

Other forum members might share their experiences and I think you’ll hear that you’re not alone and it’s not you that’s to blame here. You’d also be really welcome to call into the helpline (0800 999 5428) and talk this through with one of the team. You’ve done really well in reaching out for help and starting to explore what’s going on in your relationship, it’s a really good first step.