Reply To: Coping several years on [CW: R**e]

[Domestic Abuse Helpline Team]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out to the forum and sharing your story with us. It sounds like a very tough and confusing situation and we hope the forum can help you.

It sounds like you buried the pain of the incident because the possible danger you would face at home if you were outed was too great, it seems at the time you felt the safest option was to bury it, even though this could have been very painful to do so. Unfortunately many survivors of abuse find themselves in position where they have decide what the safest path is for them and this can sometimes lead survivors to having to bury abusive experiences until a later time in their life. It is not right at all, but what is key is all survivors should be in charge of their own experience and story.

It sounds like the article (thank you for sharing it) has brought to the surface a lot of emotions about the assault and you recognise that professional help might support you to process this and start to recover. Good idea. We have some suggestions which you may want to consider:

https://oneinfour.org.uk/ is a sexual violence support service which has a helpline and counselling services which are low cost.
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ is there for all survivors of sexual abuse and violence and your local services may have counselling.
https://www.pinktherapy.com/ is a directory of private therapists who with gender and sexuality diverse people.
https://www.survivorsuk.org/– support men and non binary people incase this helpful and they have a good LGBT+ understanding.
Galop’s has produced a number of guides about LGBT+ people and sex which you may like to read https://galop.org.uk/types-of-abuse/sexual-violence/

You asked about how to talk to your current partner about the article and what it brought up for you. You might find this guide about talking to partners and family members about sexual abuse useful to help you think through the best way for you to approach the conversation. The most important thing is you share what you want to and feel safe doing it. https://www.rainn.org/articles/telling-loved-ones-about-sexual-assault

In case you want to offer your partner some insight about how to help you – this article could be passed on to him. https://www.safeline.org.uk/what-can-friends-and-family-members-do-to-support-survivors-of-sexual-abuse/

Many thanks for reaching out to us,

The Helpline Team